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Re: [apmultiples] gender issues

One of my daughters will only wear dresses. The frillier they are the more
she wants to wear them. We were in Nordstroms today and she walked right up
to a rack of formal wear for little girls. Fingered the dress saying "OOOh
mommy this dress is so pretty. Can I have this for my birthday." Of course
the other twin said me too. I am the polar oposite. I was a total tom boy
growing up and I tried my best to encourage them to be the same. In some
ways they are. They love to pick up frogs and bugs. They are very into
climbing and jumping. I have given up the fight and almost all of their
clothes are dresses. I insist they wear leggings or shorts underneath so
they can play comfortably. On Tue in pre school they need to wear leggings
since they have movement class that day. They love gymnastic leotards and
ballet outfits so that is easy for those activities. Last summer we tried
soccer and Nicole insisted on wearing a dress during the class. She could
not stand soccer. She wants ballet and gymnastics and so does Renee. Renee
does like basketball.

I really do think the majority of the girls are into dresses and pretty
things. It is totally fine with me they are this way. My mom is really
loving it. She missed having a little girl. She always said I was more boy
than girl.

Tonya
----- Original Message -----
From: "Jo-Anne Elder" <elder nb sympatico ca>
To: <apmultiples yahoogroups com>
Sent: Monday, January 12, 2004 5:09 PM
Subject: [apmultiples] gender issues


> >
> >
> >Did you ever notice that the little girls in the grocery carts with hair
> >bows and barrettes, pierced ears, frilly dresses, lacy white tights and
> >black patent leather Mary Janes are being pushed by women in jeans and
> >sneakers and tee-shirts?
> >
> Isn't it just as bad to say "no dresses" as to say "only dresses"? I
> encourage all my children to choose their own clothes early. Hey, it's
> one less thing for me to do. When it *is* important to me -- Xmas photo,
> visit to someone who's made a gift -- they're always really good about
> letting me choose, because they do it 90% of the time. However, some of
> my children have gone in one direction and the others in another. In
> general, the statistics do lean heavily in the direction of gender
> awareness, though. I am pleased that the girls *like* being girls and
> the boys *like* being boys. This manifests in a greater interest in
> clothes in the girls, and that sometimes means wanting pretty clothes
> rather than toys for Christmas. The boys pretend not to be interested,
> but won't wear anything out of a certain comfort zone. They don't want
> new clothes, they want the only pants that are cool -- that are in the
> wash. :-)
>
> Of course, our definition of boys and girls is pretty broad, since their
> father is an artist and was obviously a woman in a previous life. I
> would say we emphasize what  is considered feminine qualities --
> nurturing, caring, cooperating, being strong and seeking fulfillment,
> being of service and belonging to community. This is more consistent
> with the way my husband was raised.
>
> It's like everything else... I thought I knew it all before I had kids!
> Of course, I also *knew* I wouldn't have many kids, and look at me. LOL
> I thought that between a human rights activist dad and a feminist mom
> that everything would be equal. Then I realized that birthing and
> breastfeeding *are* meaningful, so that there are biological roots to
> some behaviours. After that, every time I had a new child I learned
> something more on the subject of nature and nurture. It really is both.
> Part of nature *is* gender. My boy was born first, then a girl, then two
> sets of boy girl twins, and the tie-breaking baby is a girl. A busy lab!
>
> Anyway, I feel that if we place a huge importance on girls *not* being
> in frilly dresses or nurturing roles, we are just buying into what
> patriarchy tells us about what counts. We think that it is important
> *not* to be interested in clothes and that it is a problem for people to
> look out for each other. I feel that our choices are really quite
> radically feminist -- we believe in people before things, and that's not
> what is going on out there!
>
> Jo-Anne
>
>
> "There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day." -
Alexander Woollcott, American Author
>
>
>
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"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day." - Alexander Woollcott, American Author


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