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RE: [apmultiples] gender issues

Once my kids are old enough to voice their own opinions, they're more
than welcome to dress as "frilly" as they choose (although as long as
I'm doing their laundry their play clothes have to be machine
wash/tumble dry & as long as I'm paying for their clothes I have the
right to say something is too expensive). I believe what Valerie (I
think that was who made the below comment anyway, my memory's shot) was
referring to very young children who are too young to say "mommy, this
isn't as comfortable as a onsie & pair of knit pants". Until my kids are
old enough to choose their own clothes, I'm going to dress them in ways
that *I* would find comfortable.

LaRee & the twins
http://pages.ivillage.com/lareebrown/

-----Original Message-----
From: Jo-Anne Elder [mailto:elder nb sympatico ca]
Sent: Monday, January 12, 2004 5:10 PM
To: apmultiples yahoogroups com
Subject: [apmultiples] gender issues

>
>
>Did you ever notice that the little girls in the grocery carts with
hair
>bows and barrettes, pierced ears, frilly dresses, lacy white tights and

>black patent leather Mary Janes are being pushed by women in jeans and
>sneakers and tee-shirts?
>
Isn't it just as bad to say "no dresses" as to say "only dresses"? I
encourage all my children to choose their own clothes early. Hey, it's
one less thing for me to do. When it *is* important to me -- Xmas photo,

visit to someone who's made a gift -- they're always really good about
letting me choose, because they do it 90% of the time. However, some of
my children have gone in one direction and the others in another. In
general, the statistics do lean heavily in the direction of gender
awareness, though. I am pleased that the girls *like* being girls and
the boys *like* being boys. This manifests in a greater interest in
clothes in the girls, and that sometimes means wanting pretty clothes
rather than toys for Christmas. The boys pretend not to be interested,
but won't wear anything out of a certain comfort zone. They don't want
new clothes, they want the only pants that are cool -- that are in the
wash. :-)

Of course, our definition of boys and girls is pretty broad, since their

father is an artist and was obviously a woman in a previous life. I
would say we emphasize what  is considered feminine qualities --
nurturing, caring, cooperating, being strong and seeking fulfillment,
being of service and belonging to community. This is more consistent
with the way my husband was raised.

It's like everything else... I thought I knew it all before I had kids!
Of course, I also *knew* I wouldn't have many kids, and look at me. LOL
I thought that between a human rights activist dad and a feminist mom
that everything would be equal. Then I realized that birthing and
breastfeeding *are* meaningful, so that there are biological roots to
some behaviours. After that, every time I had a new child I learned
something more on the subject of nature and nurture. It really is both.
Part of nature *is* gender. My boy was born first, then a girl, then two

sets of boy girl twins, and the tie-breaking baby is a girl. A busy lab!

Anyway, I feel that if we place a huge importance on girls *not* being
in frilly dresses or nurturing roles, we are just buying into what
patriarchy tells us about what counts. We think that it is important
*not* to be interested in clothes and that it is a problem for people to

look out for each other. I feel that our choices are really quite
radically feminist -- we believe in people before things, and that's not

what is going on out there!

Jo-Anne



"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day." -
Alexander Woollcott, American Author






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"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day." - Alexander Woollcott, American Author


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