[apmultiples] more ranting on gender stereotypes

["Karen" <kesmith62000 yahoo com>]

I have a real problem with gender stereotypes. My 5 year old daughter is
"All boy." Pretty much any statement starting with "Boys are so ....." 
applies to her.
It wasn't much  of a problem when she was younger and when we lived in 
Berkeley. 
But since we moved recently,  it seems there's a really big sex division 
here in her new 
kindergarten. She has nothing against pink (though she hates dresses), but 
her 
favorite activities (tree climbing, playing with dinosaurs and trucks, 
discussing space travel) seem to be  off limits for girls in her new 
school. 
She wanted to play with the "dinos," but told me that this school that the 
dinos were for boys.  I am really frustrated by this and concerned about 
how to make her feel good about who she is in this culture. In the past
 week, I think I heard 3 people say "boys are so much different
from girls....". Often it's an excuse for poor behavior from boys, 
but the affect is to limit my little girl. 

Depressingly, my b/g twins seem to be falling in line with the usual 
stereotype.
I don't really care, except that this seems to  encourage people to make 
all kinds of 
stupid generalizations, which their big sister then hears.  I am so tired 
of pointing out 
that their older sister is actually *way* more active (or whatever the 
stereotype du 
jour) than her little brother (or at least was way more active at the same 
age). I worry 
that my poor little kid is starting to get the idea  that she's a freak. 
We've never 
discussed gender stereotypes (she's only 5), preferring instead to just 
not have 
a TV or hang around silly people who are into them. But now that she;s
 more out in the world (and we've moved to a more conservative area), I am 
wondering if I need to confront this head on. 

 Why can't we all  let everyone be who they are?

Karen S.  






--- In apmultiples yahoogroups com, "Nancy Whittier" <NWHITTIE@e...> wrote:
> Hey, another sociologist of gender!  I see the same views in my
> students, even at a fairly feminist women's college (alas).  I've joked
> that with boy-girl twins, I  now have a naturalistic experiment in
> gender socialization (if I only had time to think harder about it).
> 
> What gets to me is how every attribute that is consistent with gender
> stereotypes is chalked up to innate differences, while every attribute
> that is inconsistent with gender stereotypes is just an insignificant
> exception or a personality quirk.  A friend of mine with a very "girly"
> boy was told that he was "not a real boy," therefore the characteristics
> of "real boy" remain unchallenged by the boys who don't fit.
> 
> Nancy
> 
> >>> drwendi@h... 01/10/04 7:27 PM >>>
> I am a sociologist and one of the areas I teach is gender socialization.
>  
> The views of my students never fail to amaze (and irritate) me.  They
> are so 
> convinced that there are innate differences and will point to the
> flimsiest 
> research data to support their arguments completely overlooking all the 
> areas  in which boys and girls overlap.
> 
> I am also continually bombarded with people attributing my own
> children's 
> characteristics and personality to their gender.  Whenever someone says,
> oh 
> boys are this or girls are that I always contradict them and state no, 
> that's just so and so's personality. My first daughter goes against a
> lot of 
> the gender stereotypes in that she was slow to talk and she is the only
> one 
> of my six children to have learning difficulties.
> 
> I would find this kind of discussion very interesting.
> 
> Wendi
> mom to 6 from 9 months to 17 years
> >From: Valerie White <valerie@f...>
> >Reply-To: apmultiples yahoogroups com
> >To: apmultiples yahoogroups com
> >Subject: [apmultiples] another rant from Valerie
> >Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2004 06:18:16 -0500
> >
> >My understanding is that there is essentially no credible research to
> show
> >INNATE differences between baby boys and girls (other than what's in
> their
> >diapers!), but that adults react to babies differently based on their
> >perceived gender--one story I heard from a linguistics professor told
> of
> >the strong baby girl who was pulling herself up on her daddy's fingers
> at
> >the doctor's office and a passing woman said, "Oh, what a strong boy
> you
> >are!"  When Daddy said, "She's a girl," the woman said, "Isn't it nice
> of
> >Daddy to pull you up like that!"  In other words, as soon as she knew
> the
> >baby was a girl she stripped her of her agency.  Other research has
> shown
> >that parents are more protective of baby girls, respond more
> >sympathetically to their cries when they get hurt exploring, keep them
> >closer to hand . . .  It is something we need to be aware of  and try
> to
> >compensate for in order to make vigorous, assertive, self-actualizing,
> >authentic girls!!  (And sensitive, caring, introspective boys!)
> >
> >In actual fact, our girl twin, who was TWO pounds lighter at birth, is
> WAY
> >more adventurous and physical than our boy twin . . . climbs
> everywhere,
> >runs everywhere, interacts with strangers, while he is intensely
> engaged in
> >making block towers or looking at books.
> >
> >Go figger.
> >
> >Valerie
> >
> 
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"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day." - 
Alexander Woollcott, American Author
 

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