RE: re. shoes...and more

["LaRee Brown" <mommytotwins2003 yahoo com>]

IMO the response to hurts has to do w/ different personalities in the
kids, more than gender. Right now around here, Lexie's more likely to be
the "aggressor" not because she's trying to be mean, but she gets
excited to see Ashlyn & wants her closer, so she pulls her over. So,
Ashlyn gets "comforted" more because there's more need of it. I'm a huge
believer in people being the way they are because . . .that's the way
they are, not because of gender!

LaRee & the twins
http://pages.ivillage.com/lareebrown/


-----Original Message-----
From: nonsexist-parenting-bounces cosmos phy tufts edu
[mailto:nonsexist-parenting-bounces cosmos phy tufts edu] On Behalf Of
Nancy Whittier
Sent: Wednesday, January 21, 2004 11:46 AM
To: nonsexist-parenting cosmos phy tufts edu
Subject: re. shoes...and more

My thinking about shoes and other stuff with pics on is that both babies
are entitled to like dinosaurs, sports stuff, flowers, cats, etc.  So
they both get them.  I just try to either reverse the gender
expectations on any given day, or put them both in the butch stuff or
both in the fem stuff.  

I've been watching our responses to their hurts, too.  I don't think we
really respond differently.  But Isaac is almost always the assailant,
so we spend a lot of time reassuring Eva that she's all right and trying
to stop him from pulling her hair.  This could easily fall into gendered
stuff, and certainly some people would think that their behavior stems
from gender.  But I am reassured when Eva sees our baby friend Emmet,
and immediately crawls over to him, climbs on his back, and pulls his
hair.  

I also keep tabs on whether we use different tones of voice with them,
or talk more with Eva (another common difference in parents' treatment
of girls v. boys).  It is so complicated, esp since Isaac is more likely
to be across the room climbing on something while Eva's sitting nearby
looking at a book.  That's partly why I wanted this kind of a list, b/c
I feel like all this is so much more complicated when the
different-gendered comparison is right there.

Nancy

>>> Valerie White <valerie forevermail com> 01/19/04 6:39 PM >>>
At 04:14 PM 1/19/04, Ken Olum wrote:
>We are always able to get them some neutral color (navy blue, brown,
>black) without robots and such.  My opinion (not shared by my
>partners, I think) is that with kids too young to make such choices
>for themselves it's better to choose something neutral for them than to
>choose something with some specific animal or something on it.
>
>                            Ken



Well, actually the "neutral" shoes Ken is talking about have little
soccer 
balls on them . . . but unobtrusively.

Payless has a "subsidiary" called "Smartfit" which includes wide widths 
which our children need.  There is one double-zipper boot in plain black

which is listed on the girls section of the webpage but not on the boys
. . .

We have a continuing battle with our mother's helps to keep them from 
dressing Jocelyn up like a little doll and Perry up like a football
player 
. . . and to keep them from presenting Jocelyn with baby dolls and Perry

with trucks.

I've been watching carefully to see if we respond differently to the two

when they take a tumble.  This is a classic place where parents console
the 
girls and tell the boys not to cry, it wasn't that bad . . . honestly, I

don't think we treat them any differently.  They really are two very 
different people, and the differences could certainly be attributed to 
gender--would be by some.  For instance, Jocelyn is very concerned about

Perry.  She pats his back if he is crying and asks persistently where he
is 
if he is in another room or sleeping.  She gives him things, whether he 
wants them or not.  She demands he be included in her activities, like 
swinging or eating.  Perry doesn't do anything similar.  Perry loves to 
throw things HARD.  Perry likes building towers, and Jocelyn mostly 
doesn't.  Perry shouts the names of things excitedly at the top of his 
lungs.  Jocelyn is not so noisy.  But I am sure these are just
differences, 
NOT gender differences.

When they were tiny, they would start out the night in a bassinet next
to 
my bed.  If they cried, I would bring them in with me.  By morning, I
would 
be confused about which baby was which, and more than once I got a
surprise 
when I took off the diaper!!

Valerie 


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