Re: [apmultiples] more ranting on gender stereotypes

["Tonya" <Tonya85 cox net>]

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Karen" <kesmith62000 yahoo com>
To: <apmultiples yahoogroups com>
Sent: Sunday, January 18, 2004 12:42 AM
Subject: [apmultiples] more ranting on gender stereotypes


>
> I have a real problem with gender stereotypes. My 5 year old daughter is
> "All boy." Pretty much any statement starting with "Boys are so ....."
applies to her.
> It wasn't much  of a problem when she was younger and when we lived in
Berkeley.
> But since we moved recently,  it seems there's a really big sex division
here in her new
> kindergarten. She has nothing against pink (though she hates dresses), 
> but
her
> favorite activities (tree climbing, playing with dinosaurs and trucks,
> discussing space travel) seem to be  off limits for girls in her new
school.
> She wanted to play with the "dinos," but told me that this school that 
> the
> dinos were for boys.  I am really frustrated by this and concerned about
> how to make her feel good about who she is in this culture. In the past
>  week, I think I heard 3 people say "boys are so much different
> from girls....". Often it's an excuse for poor behavior from boys,
> but the affect is to limit my little girl.
>
> Depressingly, my b/g twins seem to be falling in line with the usual
stereotype.
> I don't really care, except that this seems to  encourage people to make
all kinds of
> stupid generalizations, which their big sister then hears.  I am so tired
of pointing out
> that their older sister is actually *way* more active (or whatever the
stereotype du
> jour) than her little brother (or at least was way more active at the 
> same
age). I worry
> that my poor little kid is starting to get the idea  that she's a freak.
We've never
> discussed gender stereotypes (she's only 5), preferring instead to just
not have
> a TV or hang around silly people who are into them. But now that she;s
>  more out in the world (and we've moved to a more conservative area), I 
> am
> wondering if I need to confront this head on.
>
>  Why can't we all  let everyone be who they are?
>
> Karen S.
>

    Karen,

I was all boy so to say when I was growing up. I did have a tough time
fitting in with the in-crowd but still had quite a bit of friends. I was
very active in the church and loved sports. I found my niche. Sure, being
with some of the popular girls looked like fun but they were very boring to
me. To this day I rarely wear make-up and my favorite clothing store is LL
Bean. I would not worry too much about it. She will be who she is and she
would probably be very unhappy if she tried to change herself to please
others. She will probably not fall as easily to peer pressures as she gets
older i.e. drinking, drugs, sex at an early age. My parents said I was such
an easy teen. They never had to worry about me.

On the other hand I have a couple of girly-girls. Their Pre-school teachers
even gave them that nick-name and they love it. They want pretty dresses,
bows, and beautiful dolls. For their fourth birthday they requested an
Angelina Ballerina birthday party and they want to dance ballet. For
presents they want American Girl dolls and pretty dresses to match with
their doll. Plus they want Princess bikes.

At first I rolled my eyes when I heard their pre school teacher call them
girly girls. I then realized that is what they are into and they are girly
girls.lol Trust me. I buy them jeans t-shirts ect. to wear but they will
fight me tooth and nail if I even try to put them on. I am just letting 
them
be themselves. I do think it is true that the majority of the kids 
naturally
fall into the stereo types. I think some parents try to force their kids
into taking them on and some even try to fight them from becomming the
stereotype. I initially wanted a couple of tom boys and the force is not
there. They are going to be who they are meant to be. Enjoy your tom boy
daughter. She sounds like a lot of fun. Don't worry about her conforming.
She may try to fit in but will find that she is happier being herself and
will find friends that have the same interests.

Tonya


"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day." - 
Alexander Woollcott, American Author
 

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